


Didn't Come Here To Hurt You (I Can't Stop)

by PansexualDonnaNoble



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with somewhat of a happy ending, Break Up, Connor Deserves Happiness, Drifting Apart, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Markus Deserves Happiness, They both deserve happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-13 01:46:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18022487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PansexualDonnaNoble/pseuds/PansexualDonnaNoble
Summary: They were drifting apart. Had been for a while now.





	Didn't Come Here To Hurt You (I Can't Stop)

****

He tries not to think about it at first. And, at first, it's blissfully easy to ignore and pretend.

It easily floats through his head and sinks into a dark abyss of quicksand the first time it enters his train of thought, through the growing mountain of cancelled dates and centuries away phone calls from different states, different wants and needs evolving in the others absence, and it rapidly plants itself.

If he didn't think about it, it was not a problem. It wasn't real. Ignoring it then did not mean he was avoiding the truth. The truth had not been even born yet. It had been merely a vague  _feeling_ of something being _off_  without a definite shape or form and could be destroyed with a single blow of the wind. A good thing would not be destroyed if he did not look too closely into it. This would pass like any other bump in the road for them.

It gets harder to ignore with time however. It passes through him at various meetings and the nights spent thinking of it instead of falling safely into the ignorant bliss of deep stasis leaves his mouth infested with bitter aftertastes and an booming sense of guilt. And it was not passing. Not in the weeks he first realizes it nor in the following month.

They were _drifting apart._ And Markus couldn't ignore it any longer.

He isn't sure when it first started to happen, or the exact moment he first noticed it, but it surrounds them both so deeply and tightly now.

He isn't sure if Connor's noticed it too. The android had been throwing himself more into his work lately, more than he usually did. Markus has known him long enough to know that means something has been eating at him for a while now, and he was choosing to attempt to ignore it as long as he could.

_Did he notice it too?_ Markus thought.

He knows he shouldn't _be_ ignoring it. Ignoring it wouldn't make it leave, only make it more immense. Make it harder to get past any of it.

But sometime in late October he doesn't think there's any way to _get_  past it anymore.

They'd been drifting apart for a variety of different reasons for the past few months now, and it wasn't helping that they both had the habit of throwing themselves into their respective works. Even when they weren't avoiding their issues. He doesn't know if it's noticable for anyone else.

This isn't their _first_ problem as a couple. It was only natural, as a human or android, for there to be harder moments in any relationship. And they had their fair share of minor and major fights.

But he hasn't had a real conversation or a true moment alone with the other man in _weeks._  And as much as he hated to admit it things hadn't been... _right_  for far longer than several weeks. And something that was there in the beginning had been lost and _missing_ for longer.

They'd been together for four months now, he had assumed after this long nothing could affect them for very long. They'd gotten through worse.

He can't slow down his work, or the time consuming efforts of being a voice for their people. And he knows Connor would never ask that of him. Nor would he ask it of Connor. They both knew how much their work meant to the other.

They were both just always so _busy._  There were so many rainchecks and unsuccesful compromises to get past in the past two months when they managed to have time for the other. There were plenty of moments during those times he felt _utterly_  ecstatic. Full. However most times it felt almost like they were both... ghosts. And ghosts could not be loved wholly. Like they deserved to be.

He doesn't want to say it out loud. Saying it out loud makes it real and unavoidable. But it's unfair to both of them to selfishly delay what feels inevitable. Connor deserved better than that.

It wasn't like he _stopped_ loving him. He still _did._  He loved Connor Anderson with every inch of his whole _being._  He doesn't think he could _ever_  fall completely out of love with him. He's never _clicked_  with anyone as much as he did with him. Being utterly in _sync_  with him. But there's a certain _romantic_ love that was once present in the two and now _isn't._ And it's  _deafeningly_ loud and missing.

And, it isn't fair of him to love Connor with only half of himself. Connor deserved to be loved _wholly._ And romantically, he could no longer _be_  that person.  He had managed to feel neglectful and _the_  neglected.

And it _hurts._ It hurt him more than when he had held Carl's hand as the man faded away, it hurt more than the years he spent being seen as nothing more than an _object_  to be ordered and pushed around. It. _Stung._

Despite it, he ends up calling him, asking him to come over as he prepares to only make things _more_  painful. Except it was hurting them both _more_ to pretend this was going to just go _away._

It wasn't. Drifting apart had made the spark just sort of _fade._ Dim. Maybe there was a chance of them coming out of whatever this....was exactly. But maybe it was better to let whatever he was going to suggest and say happen.

A _break._ Even thinking it made it feel utterly _real._

It had no right being this real. Not when he knew there was only one way it could go.

He wants to stay friends. He _needs_  it to be possible. Connor was irreplaceable, together or not. Despite only knowing the man for eleven months they had both become ingrained into the others world so _quickly._ He couldn't see a world where the former deviant hunter _wasn't_  in his life.

So he waits. Waits for the ring at the door and the familiar sight outside of it.

It eventually rings, and practically feels his thirium pump sink as he moves to open it.

Connor stands in front of him, a greeting on his lips as he looks to him. "Hey." He smiles warmly, stepping inside and moving forwards to kiss his cheek. Markus doesn't stop him, however he does not react either. Connor's brows furrow.

"Is something wrong?" He questions.

_Everything._  None of this felt right, Markus distantly thinks.

He shuts his eyes for a second, walking back to the silver couch. Dancing around the subject was only cruel. "We need to talk, Connor."

A flash of something akin to dread flutters across the man's expression for the briefest of seconds, before quickly vanishing. "Oh. About what?"

He bites his lip, sighing. "Us." He almost winces as it comes out of his mouth. "I think.. Connor, you mean everything to me." He starts. There's an unspoken _but_ that hangs in the air with it.

The android smiles softly. "I feel the same way, Markus. You've made me realize so _much_ about myself. And who I _can_  be. Or choose to be."

Markus continues, because if he doesn't get this out he doesn't think he'll be able to admit any of it again for a while. And then he'll just be... _lying._  "Things have changed the past two months. I don't... I can't quite.. _explain_ it, but, you see it too, I know you do." He stares at the man's hazelnut eyes. He had to of seen it too, and while it makes him feel less _guilty,_  and should make it _easier,_  it doesn't.

Connor blinks, a frown forming. "What are you trying to _say,_ Markus?"

He squeezes his eyes shut, hearing himself speak. "I think we need to break up."

It becomes real the moment it leaves his lips.

"I... _oh."_  Connor breathes, something unidentifiable dancing across his face. "I thought.. I thought we were doing.. _fine."_

They were. But fine wasn't the same as _good._ And their relationship couldn't get by on just being _fine._  And they shouldn't need to merely _get by_  in it.

"We've barely seen each other for weeks. And that's just this month. We're- we're _miles_ apart, Connor. And I don't just mean that metaphorically." He manages to get out.

He laughs softly, faintly Markus catches his top lip quivering. He shifts in his spot on the couch. "I love you, Markus."

Markus shuts his eyes. "I haven't _stopped_ loving you, Connor." His voice cracking slightly on the 'love.' "But you know things aren't the same anymore." Something important and unknown was  missing.

Maybe they had just grown _bored._

"I know." Connor says softly, looking down.

"I thought if we tried _harder_  and _I_ tried harder it would go away. But it's not going _away,_ Connor." He admits, eyes stinging.

"Maybe we just need some time apart." Connor states quietly.

He wants to laugh, however awful he feels at that. "We've had so much time apart _already_  Connor."

"I work too much." Connor admits. "I barely let myself have any time away from it. Even Hank thinks so."

He shakes his head. "I do too. I spend so much of my time in meetings, and in so many different _states_ for so long and-"

"It's different, though." Connor interrupts. "For you. You're helping make sure our people aren't forgotten or ignored. And I couldn't ask you to make compromises for that." His voice is hollow. He shuts his eyes. "I just dislike having too much free time on my hands." He weakly chuckles.

"You're doing good things though. You're helping people. And I can't ask for you to slow down either."

Neither of them say anything for almost a minute. The faint noise of cars passing outside filling the air.

"What's next for us, then?" He asks. Because he was frighteningly unsure of it himself.

"I don't want to lose you, Markus." Connor says quietly after a moment, eyes wet.

"You aren't going to lose me. I don't think I could ever just _stop_  talking to you. You're my _best friend_  Connor." He reassures.

He wipes his eyes with his sleeve. "You're _my_  best friend too." His eyes squeeze shut for a second. He knows Connor _hates_ crying. He did too.

They both laugh softly, sniffing. After a minute, Connor straightens, eyes puffy.

"I um, I have to go- I should go, now, probably." He trips over his words, getting up.

"You don't have to go right just _now_ Connor." He says.

He smiles, glancing back at him. It doesn't reach his eyes. "No, No I don't. But I- I think I want to. I should, I think." He pauses, looking at Markus. "See you around then?" He asks.

Markus nods. "Yeah." He breathes out. "See you around."

Connor stands up fully, walking towards the door.

"Connor." He says suddenly, looking at him.

Connor turns, looking back at him.

"You deserve someone amazing. You better know that." He softly says.

He stares back at him, smiling. "You do too."

And he opens the door, disappearing.

And Markus is left to think. 


End file.
